S1:E20 The Truth About Grief

It's an uncomfortable topic, but at some point you will be in a season of grief. Perhaps you are in that season now, or you are just coming out of it, but learning how to manage grief well is something we all need to do.

I don't know anyone better to share on this topic than my dear friend, Tasha Ives. Tasha has experienced deep grief multiple times throughout her life and sought to find a biblical perspective on how to work through it. She shares those thoughts with us on the podcast today, as well as in her new book,So Far: A Journey Through Grief and Beyond.

🔑 Key Takeaways:

• No matter your depth of grief, it is valid in your life because it's your reality.

• Sometimes, when you are dealing with grief, you become what people want you to be and end up stuffing your own emotions deep down without dealing with them.

• Avoidance is a natural reaction to grief.

• Grief ignored leads to bigger issues, and it grows into other places of your life where it didn't originate.

• Be discerning about who you share the details of your grief with and know that tragedy will change your circle of people, which can lead to additional grief.

• Learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable, sitting with those who are in grief.

• Take your pain and turn it into purpose, and see where God is working.

• Transcript

  Megan Valentine:
  I'm so excited to be back with all of you this week. It’s a special episode — one I’ve been waiting for. I believe it’s divine timing that it’s being released right now into your homes and into your hearts. Today, we’re welcoming my dear friend, Tasha Ives!

  Tasha Ives:
  Hello! I'm so glad we’re finally doing this. There were definitely a few road bumps trying to sit down together, but that’s life, right?

  Megan Valentine:
  Exactly. And it’s no surprise to God. We've already been praying that this conversation would bring serious hope and encouragement to whoever needs it. We're talking about grief today. But listen — don't skip this episode. Whether you’ve experienced deep grief, or you know someone who has (and we all will eventually), this is for you. I'm asking you to lean in and listen.

  Tasha and I go way back. We've been friends for decades. If you don't already know Tasha, you need to follow her — she's a constant source of light, encouragement, and realness. She's also now an author! Her new book, So Far: A Journey Through Grief and Beyond, is out — and it’s incredible.

  Besides being a wife, mom, and lover of Jesus, Tasha is also a bereaved parent advisor, educator, and mentor at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. God has done amazing things through her life, though grief has been a heavy companion along the way.

  Megan Valentine:
  Can you share a bit about where your journey with grief really began?

  Tasha Ives:
  Of course. When I was 16, I met my best friend, Christy. She loved Jesus vibrantly and truly impacted my walk with God. One day, when we were driving home from a shopping trip, I lost control of the car. We crashed. Christy was ejected and suffered severe trauma. Early the next morning, Easter Sunday 1993, she went to be with Jesus. She was just 18 years old.

  I carried unbearable grief — and guilt — from that accident. I blamed myself. And at 19 years old, I had no idea how to deal with it. I pretended I was okay to make it easier for everyone else. But inside, I was crumbling.

  Megan Valentine:
  There’s such a deep loneliness in grief. Especially at that young age, when no one really knows how to help or talk about it.

  Tasha Ives:
  Absolutely. Back then, there wasn’t the internet, podcasts, or blogs. You just stuffed it down because you didn't know what else to do.

  Validating All Grief

  Megan Valentine:
  I want to acknowledge something you always say that's so powerful: "Grief is valid, no matter what it looks like." Sometimes people minimize their grief because they think others have it worse. But pain is pain.

  Tasha Ives:
  Exactly. Grief is relative to your experience. It all matters. It's not about comparing pain — it's about acknowledging it.

  Grieving the Loss of Her Daughter, Sydney

  Megan Valentine:
  Fast-forward a few years. Yesterday was a huge milestone for you. Can you tell us about it?

  Tasha Ives:
  Yesterday marked 15 years since my daughter, Sydney, went to be with Jesus. She was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor at just nine years old. We had 18 months with her after the diagnosis. She passed away at 11 years old.

  Walking through that grief was different than with Christy — but no less devastating. And yesterday was extra hard because we are currently walking through hospice with my father-in-law too.

  Megan Valentine:
  Even after all these years, the grief still hits hard sometimes. It doesn't disappear, it just changes form.

  How Grief Left Untreated Grows

  Megan Valentine:
  You wrote something powerful in your book about what happens when we stuff grief down. Can you share that with us?

  Tasha Ives:
  Sure. Ignoring grief is like ignoring cancer. If you pretend it’s not there, it doesn’t just go away — it spreads. It pops up in places it didn’t originate, wreaking havoc on your life.

  You have to deal with it. You have to process it — however messy that is.

  Permission to Feel and to Heal

  Megan Valentine:
  There’s such freedom in giving yourself permission to grieve. To not always be "strong." And sometimes, to just sit in the hard.

  Tasha Ives:
  Yes! Sometimes you need a day (or two) in your pajamas. You need to stay under the covers. And that’s okay. Grief requires grace — and a lot of it for yourself.

  Find people who love you enough to tell you the truth in love. And allow yourself to be human.

  When Your Circle Changes

  Megan Valentine:
  One thing you talked about that really hit me was how loss changes your circle.

  Tasha Ives:
  Yes. Some people pull away. Not because they don’t care — but because they don’t know how to be present in pain. And that's okay. God brings new people. People who will sit with you. People who will suffer with you. True compassion means co-suffering.

  Finding Purpose in the Pain

  Megan Valentine:
  I love that you said: "It wasn’t that God would never give me more than I could handle. It’s that He would give me all I needed to handle all that came my way."

  You've turned your pain into incredible purpose. Tell us about the So That Journey.

  Tasha Ives:
  "So That" comes from 2 Corinthians 1:4 — He comforts us so that we can comfort others.

  We can either spend our lives searching for the "why," which may never satisfy — or we can search for the "so that." There’s always purpose if you're willing to look for it.

  Dean and I are working to create So That Ministries — a movement to help people find purpose in their pain. Whether it’s helping bereaved parents, training churches to walk with grieving people, or just showing up for someone in need — there’s always a "so that."

  Final Words of Hope

  Tasha Ives:
  You’re not crazy. Grief is messy and hard. And you're not alone. Jesus is with you every moment. When no one else understands, He does.

  If you're walking with someone who’s grieving — be there. You don’t have to fix it. Just show up.

  Closing Prayer

  Tasha Ives:
  Dear Heavenly Father,
  I lift up everyone listening. For those carrying grief, meet them where they are. Comfort them. Heal them. Show them that they are not alone.
  Teach us, Lord, to have compassion — to suffer with those who suffer.
  Fill us with your hope and your peace. In Jesus' name, Amen.

  Connect with Tasha Ives

  • Instagram: @TashaIves

  • Website: TashaIves.com

  • Book: So Far: A Journey Through Grief and Beyond — available on Amazon.

  If you'd like to invite Tasha to speak at your church, podcast, or event, reach out! Let’s help more people walk bravely through grief and discover their "so that."