Trading Shame for Freedom
Today's episode of the Build Your Brave podcast breaks down the destructive power of shame and how it keeps us from walking in our God-given purpose. Megan shares her personal battle with shame, revealing how easily we can spiral into self-condemnation.
Whether you're currently wrestling with shame, find yourself shrinking back from your calling, or simply need a reminder of God's perspective on your imperfections, this episode offers both compassionate truth and practical wisdom for moving forward. Trading shame for freedom isn't just possible—it's exactly what you were created for. 🩷
🔑 KEY TAKEAWAYS
👉🏼 Shame makes us want to hide, while God created us to shine
👉🏼 When accusatory self-talk comes ("you, you, you"), it's likely the enemy's voice, not God's gentle correction
👉🏼 "For freedom you have been set free"—stop picking up chains that Jesus already broke
👉🏼 Healing comes in the light—confession and community break shame's power of isolation
👉🏼 You don't need to forgive yourself—you need to receive the forgiveness already given through Christ
💌 YOU ARE INVITED: Don't miss the Build Your Brave Experience 2025, November 6-8 in Scottsdale, Arizona! Get your tickets now at buildyourbrave.info!
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Hey there, ladies. I'm so glad that we're back together. It honestly has been too long and I don't know.
You know what? I know you get it because there are crazy seasons in life and sometimes you're doing as much as you can, but you can't do all the things. But listen, I've been wanting to get back here with you and spend a little bit of time together. And even as I was preparing for today, I could think of all the reasons why maybe today wasn't a good day.
The flaws in the schedule, the flaws in the chaos of my life and even in my physical appearance and in all the things like we can always find a reason or an excuse where it would be easier to not show up. But I try to remind myself that some of these things are like riding a bike and you just gotta get back on and you just gotta hit the record button, right? Or the go live button or the post buttoner. I don't know.
I don't know where you've been a little quiet lately, but there's no preparation that prepares you. You just gotta do it. So here we are today.
And I feel like I have a word that I know is for me, but where this podcast is really born from is the place that I speak with women. Really hundreds and thousands of women on a weekly monthly basis that battle the same, same things that I battle. So I know that I'm not alone.
And I want you to know that you're not alone. I love helping women clarify their personal calling, right? Build their brave and get the courage to step out there every day or really consistently and really boldly, no matter what season you are in, God has a divine purpose for you. He has set, set you apart.
You have a story and a voice and gifts that no one else has. There is no DNA like yours. And I know it would be really easy.
And on some days I'm very tempted to be like, but can't you just use her? Or wow, look, she's doing great things. God just put that message in her mouth or in her heart, right? And we want to kind of just pawn off the. The responsibility, but also the honor of showing up and doing what God has created us to do.
And listen, I get it because it requires grit and mental toughness to keep showing up when maybe things are happening in your marriage or in your home or with your children or just, okay, we won't talk long about it. But I am not going to lie. This perimenopause situation, which might be full blown Menopause for me because I had my ovaries taken out in 2019.
So, yeah, probably there. But I just feel like I'm really in the thick of that where I don't really recognize my body sometimes. I don't recognize my emotions.
Sure, I'm doing, like, the hormone treatment and I'm trying the supplements and I, you know, got the daily rituals, but it just is a not fun season sometimes. And again, could be my excuse, again, opportunity for me to discover this version of me and what she's going to do and what she's going to focus on and all the things. But I get it.
There is chaos. And it requires grit and mental toughness to keep showing up in spite of whatever it is that we're facing. But can I also remind you, in case you forgot how seriously amazing women are? I'm just reminded as I look around, like, as I'm raising daughters from the moment that they're born, like, all the way through the different stages of life and growing up and then becoming mothers and birthing children and now these other stages and phases of life, y' all, we are amazing.
Maybe you need to look in the mirror right now and say, girl, you are amazing. Okay? Maybe there's no one else around you to do it for you today. That's all right.
My girl, Mel, right? Mel Robbins. I don't know about you, but she's one of my mentors. She doesn't know me yet, but here's the deal.
She can. She reminds me, I gotta give myself a high five. I've got to celebrate myself.
I don't want to sit and wait for other people to recognize what I'm doing or how I'm fighting, how I'm contending, how I'm overcoming. I can look in the mirror and I can do that. But I also sometimes need to call myself out.
You've heard me say this before, but I talk to myself way too much. And it's often because I'm on the way to do something and I am struggling, right? I'm filtering it through insecurity or fear of criticism or the what if of this or people's opinions and all the things. But guess what? I turn and I look in the mirror and I look myself straight in the eye and I say, stop it.
Stop making this about you. Anyone else have a tendency to make things about themselves? And what happens when we do that? When we make things about ourselves and we turn inward, our world gets really small. And I was reminded of this.
Confession time. Okay, but last Night kind of had a little family eruption that may have been a mom's fault. There was a miscommunication or a lack of communication and then some wrong flights booked, some wrong days, some, you know.
Anyways, it came back to being my fault. And I don't know why it's not just easier for me to be like, oh, I'm sorry, that's my bad. I just own it from the front.
Take responsibility, don't get emotional about it, don't beat myself up about it. I mean, that's goals, people, right? But everything erupted. Here I was, I thought I had done a good job.
I thought I had all my ducks in a row. I thought I was like mom of the year, taking care of all the things. And then it was like, dang it, that not the case.
And I got angry and then I got exasperated and frustrated and then I owned it. And then I apologized. But I woke up at like 4 in the morning just with that feeling of I went to bed with conflict and I woke up with conflict and I found myself just shaming myself.
If you were a better mom, you would da da da. Which is interesting because I think I'm shaming myself. But when you are talking to yourself, then often I say, why do I do this? I wish I was.
But you know what? It felt more accusatory. Like if you were a better mom, you'd have it all together. If you listened to your kids, you would have got that.
If you communicated better, if you didn't do this and this, if you didn't have. Okay, you know what? What I try to remind myself during that is if it's a you, you, you accusatory, then it's probably coming from the enemy, right? And I don't want to partner with that. But I was having these emotions of shame.
So anyways, I wasn't letting my shame rule me. I just got up, I made my coffee, I came into my office, I started playing the worship music. I broke out my new Bible study, which is really good so far, but I'm only on day one, so I'll keep you posted.
But it's called courageous influence and so good. But it goes right into Matthew 5 and how God created us to shine. Yes.
Dramatic pause because I was not feeling it. I was like, here I am feeling shame, not feeling woohoo. Created to shine, right? And so.
But there I was, ready to shift my emotions because that's what happens, right? When we show up below the line and we drift into negativity, into victim mentality. Into pity parties and temper tantrums. It's important that we identify that we're drifting below the line and maybe not get super emotional about it, but just shift back above the line.
But I started to think about how much the enemy uses shame, right? The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. Jesus came to give us life and life to the full. What does shame do? Shame gets me all wrapped up and focused on myself and how I'm not enough and how did I do that? And can I ever get it right? Can I ever get it together? Am I ever going to be good enough? I begin to take maybe a real human error or a mistake that any good person would make, and I let it affect how I view my identity.
I do not like that pattern showing up. And that's what was revealed to me as I sat this morning. Because I do think it's important to just feel your feelings for a hot minute and ask, why is this coming up for me and what can I learn from it? What's missing? Like what happened, what's missing and what's next? I don't need to go into like how I'm a bad person and I'm never gonna get it together.
I just need to go, what happened there? Wow, there really was missing link of me really listening and confirming some things and verifying and calendar issues and, you know, a little bit of organization side that was missing. That's what happened. Okay, but what's next is, yeah, we will figure it out.
We will rebook the flights, we will get people where they need to go, we will have a great time and it will be okay. And I don't need to make it about how I'm a bad person. Ladies, I thought this was the perfect time to purchase personally invite you to the build you'd rave experience 2025.
This is for you. If you want to clarify your calling, if you want to find courage to step into your purpose, to be refreshed and filled up so that you can love your people better. And this is for you.
If you want to get connected to the best community ever. Come join the amazing lineup of powerhouse speakers. Incredible, incredible times of worship and prayer.
Let's laugh together, cry together, make some memories, allow God to heal the broken places in us and strengthen us so that we can be used for God's glory. It's happening November 6th through the 8th in Scottsdale, Arizona. So if you want the details go to buildyourbrave.info
you can get your tickets today. So grab a few friends and Be brave or come alone, and I promise you will not regret it. So I wanted to encourage you because maybe you're at a place where shame is a real thing in your life.
And I was thinking about it, because shame makes us want to hide, right? Shame does not make us want to shine. We don't feel worthy of shining. We feel too insecure to shine.
We feel like, I don't know, guilt, condemnation. But guess what? The Bible says that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, that actually nothing, nothing can separate us from the love of God. And I needed that reminder today, and I thought that you might, too.
Because I know for me in parenting, now that I'm parenting teenagers and young adults, no one can prepare you for that either, especially right. You're in menopause, going, well, they're going through their stuff, and now you're trying to, like, parent them and. But now you're not parenting kids, parenting adults.
You know, there's a lot of transition going on, which does serve me best if I'm in a state of openness, curiosity, and growth, because there's a lot that I'm learning I can do better. But listen, I have learned by failure and by watching a lot, to be honest, that shame is really destructive. I actually have made a lot of intentions in my parenting through the teenage years now and the young adult years now to not partner with shame, because shame causes people to just make horrible choices, sends them into guilt cycles, sends them into places where it's really hard for them to recover, especially if they already have some beliefs, some negative beliefs or limiting beliefs about themselves.
When we partner with shame and we speak shame over our children, it breaks them. So I don't know. I'm not sure who needs to hear that today, because I had to learn that the hard way, too.
But I've got a lot of family members and loved ones and extended family that are addicts. And shame is one of the number one things that takes them right back into it. And I just will not partner with shame.
So if I'm that determined to not partner with shame towards my children, why in the world would I partner with shame towards myself? And that's what I found myself asking today. Shame is from the enemy. Condemnation that guilt, that's from the enemy.
Does the Lord convict us sometimes? Yes. Does he call us higher? Yes. I was just reading this morning where it says, yes, keep work, working out your salvation with fear and trembling.
You're going to be convicted. You need to in order to grow, in order to Be more holy in order to be set apart. Yes, there's going to be areas of my life that the Lord exposes and reveals because he's saying, hey, bring that into the light.
Why don't you pray to be more like me? I'm giving you an opportunity to be more like me. But what the enemy does is he wants us to stay imprisoned in the darkness, feeling isolated and alone, afraid to confess our sin when the Bible tells us, like, you want to be healed, confess your sin one to another, pray for each other, carry each other's burdens. Can we just be open and get to a place where we'll admit that we need to do that and that there's stuff that we're carrying that's probably pretty heavy, that we just need to.
Even if you literally drag it to the light, because in the light is where you can find healing, you can find peace, and you can find freedom. And, you know, I went. I've gone to a few different counselors and therapists, and one of the counselors that I literally was with for three weeks, because it wasn't really a fit.
He acknowledged it. I acknowledged it. It was great.
It was a great referral from a friend. And, you know, he was awesome, but it just wasn't the best fit for me. But you know what? In that three weeks, he did give me a couple of gifts.
And one of the gifts I remember he said to me, he said, where in the Bible does it say to forgive yourself? And I was, like, trying to think of, like, where exactly that would be. And he was like, it doesn't. Now I get it.
It does say, like, forgive everyone, and we're included. But I feel like if the Lord really was like, hey, you need to do this, right? Above all else, love deeply. Above all else, guard your heart.
Above all else, forgive yourself. Nope, it's not in there. And you know why it's not in there? Because that would be still me having to do more work and taking more credit for something that has nothing to do with me, when really I have already been forgiven.
I have already been redeemed. The Bible tells us that, you know, we were bought with the precious blood of the Lamb, not mere gold or silver, but at our worst, at our lowest point as sinners, that. That is when Jesus went to the cross for us.
And so here I am, like, trying to even do the work of not shaming myself, of forgiving myself, of over and over again. And instead it's like, no, I just need to receive and acknowledge what has already Been done. But what does shame want to do? Shame makes me want to forget what was done for me.
Shame wants to chain me up and make me think that I've got to earn my way back. But the grace and the love of God can meet me and free me right there in the middle of my shame. And so today, I don't know about you, but, like, I am, I'm trading in my shame for freedom.
For freedom that sometimes, you guys, we go and we put chains back on when God's like, hey, you need to take those chains off. It was for freedom. You were set free.
I don't know why you're picking that stuff back up. The blood of Jesus covers that, and his mercies are new every morning. So listen, if you're a person who's imperfect.
Oh, wait, that's all of us. Okay, you're going to mess up sometimes. You're gonna fail.
What if we could change our relationship with failure and say, wow, learn that lesson sometimes again, right? Oh, I should have it down by now. Oh, I wish I should have it together. Why do we hold ourselves to such a high standard? Let's have some grace and some compassion, but also be committed to learning the lesson and growing.
Right? That's my goal. I'm like, okay, I don't want to have to learn this lesson again. I really want to notice what happened, what's missing, and do what's next to shift it.
But in the meantime, I don't need to sabotage myself or get really down on myself or degrade my identity, because who I am as a daughter of the King does not change because mom screwed up yesterday. It just doesn't. He loves me just as I am, and he says, come on, girl, let's go.
We got this. It was for freedom that you have been set free. So I'm not sure what might be sabotaging you.
I'm not sure what the enemy might be using, you know, today or in this current season to keep you from shining bright. But if you're shrinking back, if you're playing small, if you're focused on all the things that you're not. Girlfriend, don't give into that trap.
No. Focus on other people. Focus on the way that you can show up and you can serve.
Focus on shining bright. Because in Matthew 5, it says, no, a lamp wasn't meant to be put under a bowl, right? No, it was meant, like, to shine like a city on a hill. You guys, we were created to shine.
We might feel not enough. We might be told we're more than enough. Here's the deal.
It only matters what God says. And he created us to shine, to use our gifts, to use our talents, to share our testimony, to use our voice as imperfect as we are. Let's look at.
I mean, did God choose the perfect people? Nope, he didn't. He chose the willing. He chose the ones that said, I'll raise my hand, I'll go, God, less of me and more of you.
Send me where you need me. Even today, God, in my home, in the car line, at the grocery store, or wherever you find yourself. Let's make ourselves available for God to use.
Let's take our eyes off of all of our own imperfections, all the things that maybe we haven't done right or perfect. And instead say, God, here is my hot mess express self. But I surrender to you and I want you to use me.
Lord, would you use me? So let me do this. I'm just gonna pray for you and bless you. Cause I believe God's got great plans for you.
Father, I thank you for every person that found their way to this message today. I know that it's not by accident. You already knew.
You know where we're at, what season we're in, what chapter of the story. Some of us that so desperately are ready for the page to turn. And God, I just pray that you would meet us right we are today.
And that God, if we are in a place of darkness, of fear, of shame, of self sabotage, God, that we would immediately surrender, that we would cry out the name of Jesus and that we would partner with truth. That we would no longer partner with these lies that are coming in, but instead, God, that we would choose to walk in freedom. For we know that it was freedom that we were set free.
That's why you did it. That's why you sacrificed your son. Because you want us to live in an abundant life, God.
And you want to use us. And we want to be available for you, God. So we just thank you, God, every circumstance that's going on, every miracle that we're waiting for, every burden that we're holding, we just place it at the foot of the cross.
And God, we thank you that you remind us to cast our cares upon you because you care for us. And we're so grateful for that. Today, in Jesus name we pray.
Amen. All right. I hope that this blessed you.
And if it did, I hope that you'll share it or tag me in a story or a post. Or maybe you'll think of someone who really needs this message. And be a messenger of hope today.
Send this to them and let them know that you want to encourage them or that they're on your heart and mind. What a compliment. How encouraging is that? Let's be on the lookout for those around us that are in need of the love of God.
And let's. Let's shine bright. All right, ladies.
Okay. Talk to you soon. Love you.